I have been wrestling with a few things and I want to share with you what God has been teaching me! It hasn’t been the easiest year but God keeps calling me to himself for I know he has my good in mind! I’ve been thinking a lot about Jacob and Esau and even yesterday some teachers taught on the story! I once listened to a sermon about how Esau traded his inheritance for just a bowl of soup and then was challenged to think about how I do the same thing. Do I give in to things for instant satisfaction instead of holding out for the greater things God has for me? I think of what I want, and what I can grasp and sometimes the easiest thing to do is just take it and do what I want… But truth be told, those things will never satisfy my soul like God!
Esau gave up being in the lineage of Jesus just for some soup…. What am I giving up? Honestly, maybe it’s not an entire bowl of soup but maybe a sip here or a gulp there… but before I know it I’m halfway through the bowl and a bitter taste is left in my mouth. It’s the little sacrifices we have to be willing to make for the sake of what God has for us. Sometimes I’m starving, craving to give in to the things I desire but God says no… It’s hard… and painful.
Paul says in 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
So no matter how much I want something, God is calling me to greater! I have been struggling to feel accepted and loved but to give into those things is just to satisfy a temporary desire. A dear friend of mine reminded me that God will have justice and that God will have victory over all those things that hurt us and bring us down… That God knows that it hurts right now, but how awesome it will be to get to heaven and hear God say, “Well done!”
I look at my students, and I see children who are beautiful and have their entire lives in front of them. I don’t want them to make bad decisions, to get hurt by others, or give in to their desires… I want to see them choose to follow God in the little things so that there won’t be questions when it comes to the big things. I am God’s child! He desires me to obey and trust. Although it hurts a lot to trust him, I have faith that he has my best in mind. He desires a great life for me but I must say no to that delicious soup. No matter how much soup I eat, I will just be hungry again. My God gives me water and life that will satisfy my soul. So I will do my best to gulp down his living water everyday… sometimes I know I will give into taking a sip of soup but if I fill my heart daily with His love, there won’t be too much room for soup! For my God satisfies my soul before he satisfies my stomach!