This week I went to the hospital. Not for me but for the father of one of my students. I had never visited someone in the hospital like that before. It was one of those moments when I knew I’d become a grownup, taking flowers and treats, and putting on a brave face. It was also one of those moments that made me feel like a missionary living an unpredictable sad life, invested in the ministry God called me to. I also felt like I was in an episode of Grey Anatomy and that in no way shape or form what I was seeing was real, it was all just a bad dream. But I haven’t woken up from the bad dream and it just seems to be building up more and more everyday.
Yes there have been beautiful times in my ministry this year. For example one of my little students brought in his comic book Bible to school one day. The kid was addicted to reading his Bible. He was so focused on what it had to say that I had to take it away so that he would actually pay attention in class. I gave it back to him at rest time and sure enough he fell asleep reading his Bible. How precious it is to see this little boy crave God’s word!
And then there is the little girl who at the beginning of the year struggled with talking kindly and problem solving with her friends. I remember thinking this little girl might drive me crazy with her constant frustrations but God has worked in her heart. She is my student who always ask how someone is doing or I find her helping her fellow classmate if they don’t understand. How wonderful it has been to see others follow her example and grow to love one another. God has been working in the hearts and lives of my precious students.
But on Wednesday I found myself pulling back my hair, sanitizing my hands, and slipping on scrubs to go and visit the father of one of my students. He is in a coma and as I approached his bed I knew I had to be strong. I knew I had to talk to him with confidence and tell him about his child. But what was I suppose to tell him? Tell him that his child sleeps so hard during nap time that I can barely wake her up or how at the same time everyday his child gets sad? What words do you speak to a man you are unsure will ever wake-up? What prayers do you pray? How do you even process such a thing?
That’s when I realized I’m an adult. I don’t have my mother to filter what I see. I stood there scared but sure of one thing. We need God. The moment was so unfathomable, so shocking, so unreal. I couldn’t process it but I could simply say God we need you. I have no idea how to pray. I have no idea how to comfort my student who is missing her dad so all I can simply say is God I need you. I need you to show up and show off. I need you to help me make sense of all this and if not that to fill my with peace so that I can support this family the best I can.
Yes God, I have seen you work in the hearts of my students but God this family also needs you to work in the health and healing of a sweet father who loves you. God we need you. We need you in the moments of confusion and sadness. We need you in the moments of rejoicing over your greatness. We need you on the days that we don’t think we need you. And right now, in this moment, we need you.